I’m among those who think that we’re all safer when Congress concerns itself with frivilous pursuits like getting to the bottom of what exactly Roger Clemens did or did not inject into his backside. When this whole steroids thing is over, we offer a few suggestions for other investigations to keep their plate full well past Election Day:
- The clock operator at Thompson-Boling arena. Even Don Imus thinks that Rutgers got jobbed.
- Where exactly is Marquis Elmore’s car these days?
- The location of the Vince Dooley statue on Georgia’s campus. Is it too much to ask for the thing to be placed at midfield?
- Brokering a peaceful solution between Georgia and Florida over vanity license plates. The Supreme Court might have to get involved.
- When does 32 equal 25?
- Bizarre injuries to Georgia student-athletes: everything from Odell Collins’ hamstring to Chris Barnes’ mysterious eye ailment (yikes).
- Alternate ideas for reducing the length of college football games (other than banning FOX from broadcasting games).
- Is waterboarding torture? What if it’s Al Ford or Penn Wagers?