15. Your buddy Hal's puke has a parsley sprig garnish.

14. Every brewski served with a little paper umbrella.

13. Festive doilies made from old Ace bandages -- *and* they protect the finish on your RV.

12. Asking what the spread is gets you recipe for goose liver pate.

11. Each guest gets own pig and tanning instructions to make their own football.

10. On the menu: Frommage de Tete!

9. Life-size potato salad sculpture of John Elway is so tasty, Reggie White eats an entire leg.

8. "Hot wings" are all attached to angel figurines.

7. "Dammit! I dipped my low-salt blue corn tortilla chip in the friggin' potpourri again!"

6. Helmet-shaped bean dip bowl smells suspiciously of Ben-Gay.

5. "Bud Bowl" played with porcelain Hummel Figures.

4. Needlepoint doilies beneath barf buckets.

3. Everywhere you look, well dressed white folk sipping Bud Dry from conch shells.

2. Big-ass doily under the keg.

1. Mango-ginger truffles in sight: 175. Twinkies in sight: 0.